


The Breakfast Club: Special Homestuck Edition

by flyingthroughfire



Category: Breakfast Club (1985), Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Crossover, F/M, Headcanon, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-03
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/397045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingthroughfire/pseuds/flyingthroughfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear Mr. Ampora,</p>
<p>We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are, what do you care? You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a prince and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely AU and shit. Oh, and Humanstuck~
> 
> Alright guys. Here we go. This is one of my many headcanons that I decided to write. I hope you like it, and if you don't think a character fits you are welcome to tell me but don't be rude about it. I'll be rude back. Either way, it's my headcanon. Not yours.
> 
> In this I used a copy of the Breakfast Club script, but I by no means whatsoever own it. I simply tweaked it to fill my needs. I also do not own Homestuck.

It was a bright sunny Saturday morning when a blue Prius pulled into the parking lot of the local high school. Perched inside the passenger side is a young male with black hair and dorky glasses. It's safe to assume that the well dressed man next to him is his father.

**== >John. Preach to Dad about why you shouldn't be here. **

"I can't believe you can't get me out of this. I mean it's so stupid I have to be here on a Saturday. It's not like I'm defective or anything," You say crossing your arms across your chest. Honestly, when the man was so close to many of the teachers it was a wonder he couldn't pull a few strings.

"I'll make it up to you. Son, ditching school to go see a movie doesn't make you defective. Have a good day."

You roll your eyes at him before getting out and slamming the door. As you jog up the steps of the school you silently curse your father. This kind of thing probably never happened to him. 

Not long after the first car pulls away a bright annoyingly yellow beetle pulls in it's place. A young boy sits inside next to what we will assume is his mother. She's a very obnoxious looking woman, with a high pinched nose and frizzy blonde hair. She turns and glares at him. The boy shrinks back into his chair, hoping to appear smaller.

**== >Sollux. Fear Mom's wrath. **

"Is this the first of last time we do this?" She asks in that nasal voice of her's.

"Latht..." You mumble, your lisp evident thanks to years of braces.

"Well get in there and use the time to your advantage." You grind your teeth. Sometimes she really ticks you off.

"Mom, we're not thuppothed to thudy; we just have to thit there and do nothing."

"Well, you better find a way to study." You nod and scramble out of the car before collecting you're 'cool' and walking up to the school.

Later, an expensive looking car pulls into the school's parking lot. Inside a young man sits next to his father. By his looks, he's clearly a jock. He wears a Letterman jacket with many patches on it. The only thing that throws of his look is his bright red hair that he received from his mother. His father on the other hand looks like a well to do man with nicely cut brown hair. He looks like the type of man that would own a large company.

**== >Karkat. Piss off Dad. **

"Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around, there's nothing wrong with that. Except you got caught."

"Dad, stop. Mom already reemed me alright?"

Your dad clenches the steering wheel in anger. "You wanna miss a match? You wanna blow your ride? Now no school's gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case."

"Whatever," you grumble before getting out of the car and walking to the school.

**== >Dave. Be cool.**

You walk across the parking lot seeming at complete ease. The sun reflects of the rims of your aviator shades. You feel so fucking cool. As you swagger toward the school a dull green saturn pulls up, right in front of you. It almost hits but not a single fuck was given as you continue into the school. A young girl hops out of the car, her long trench coat dragging across the ground. On her head she wears a strange blue hat.

**== >Nepeta. Get ignored. **

You walk up to the window and attempt to tap on it but the car speeds up and leaves you coughing up dust. Your shoulders droop slightly as you walk into the school.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...And these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through..." - David Bowie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the Breakfast Club or the script I use as a reference to write this shitty thing. Nor do I own Homestuck.

Sollux walks into the large library suddenly feeling quite at ease. He knew this place like the back of his hand, thanks to many hours of coming here to study. His hetero-chromatic eyes wandered until they landed on John who was twiddling his thumbs, looking very bored.

Everyone knew who John was. John Egbert the best damn baseball player this poor high school had ever seen. Sollux thought he was overrated. He knew for a fact that John was the brattiest person alive. It showed from the way he walked or when he looked down on those different than him.

John looked up from his thumbs to find Sollux Captor staring down at him. John scowled at the skinny boy. Sollux's cheeks burned as he walked to the table behind John's and sat down.

Not long after Karkat walks in with all his wrestling glory. He takes a seat next to John who stares at him a moment before shrugging. That's right, all the popular people have to stick together.

A noise at the front desk captures Sollux's attention. Dave Strider walks by, touching everything his hands can reach and also swipes a few pens. He eases up to to the table Sollux is sitting at, not even noticing him. When he does he points off to the distance. Sollux reluctantly stands and walks over to the the other side of the library and sits down. Dave props his feet, which are adorned with mitch matched shoes, on the table.

A minute before the deadline minute to arrive hits a girl in a long trench coat and a blue hat rushes by and sits in the back table in far corner, behind Sollux. John and Karkat turn to each other and snicker. Sollux turns to her, a slight frown on his face. The girl just sits there, her head bowed.

He turns back to see a man walk into the library, a large stack of paper in his heavily ringed fingers. He scowls at the group of teenagers. His name tag reads Eridan Ampora, Teacher.

"W-well w-well. Here w-we are! I w-want to congratulate you for bein' on time-"

John interrupts him by raising his hand. Without waiting for a response John opens his annoying mouth to speak. "Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but, um, I don't think I belong in here."

Eridan continues without glancing down at John. "It is now sev-ven 'oh six. You hav-ve exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your w-ways..."

Dave spits into the air and catches it back into his mouth. John looks like he's going to gag.

"...and you may not talk. You w-will not move from these seats."

Eridan points at Dave before knocking his legs off the table.

"And you, w-will not sleep. Alright people, w-we're gonna try somethin' a little different today. W-we are going to w-write an essay, no less than a thousand w-words describin' to me w-who you think you are."

Dave interrupts him, "Is this a test?"

Eridan takes no notice to him and passes out paper and pencils. " And w-when I say essay, I mean essay. I don't mean a single w-word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr. Strider?"

Dave looks up, his perfect poker face intact. "Crystal."

"Good. Maybe you'll learn a little somethin' about yourself. Maybe you'll ev-ven decide w-whether or not you care to return."

Sollux stands while raising his hand the tiniest of heights, "I can anthwer that right now thir. That'd be 'No', no for me."

"Sit down Captor," Eridan says, amusement written all over his face.

"Thank you thir." Sollux mumbles before sitting.

Erdian points out of the library before looking at each of them, "My office is right down that hall. Don't screw-w around. I w-will know-w. Any questions?"

"Yeah, I've got one," Dave states a smirk plastered on his face. Eridan eyes him suspiciously.

"What's up with your speech impediment?"

Eridan clenches his teeth and breathes out his nose. "I'll giv-ve you the answ-wer to that question, Mr. Strider, next Saturday."

Before anyone could ask anything else he struts out of the room. Ten minutes pass before a loud snapping sound echoes from the back of the room. Sollux turns to see the strange girl biting her nails. Dave tuns around as well his eyes wide behind his shades. By this time everyone is looking at her.

"You keep eating your hand you're not gonna be hungry for lunch," Dave states his eyes still wide. She spits a nail at him. "I've seen you around you know," Dave mumbles before turning back around. Everyone else follows suit.

Sollux begins to tap his pen. "Who do I think I am? Who are you?" He mumbles to himself before attaching the pen to his bottom lip and attaches the top to his upper lip. "I am a walruth."

Dave looks at him in utter confusion. Sollux notices this and quickly takes the pen out of his mouth, embarrassed. The two boys begin to take off their jackets. They both take notice. Sollux stops and readjusts his jacket on his shoulders. He rubs his hands together, pretending to be cold. Dave fully removes his jacket. Sollux turns to see Dave still staring at him. He utters an uncomfortable laugh as Dave glares at him. Losing interest Dave crumples up his paper and throws it at John's head. It misses and soars over it instead. John and Karkat take notice but don't do anything about it.

Dave purses his lips and begins to hum the theme song from Batman.

John put his head in his hands. "I cannot believe this is happening to me," he mumbles to himself.

Dave over hears this and stops singing. "Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do if we hafta take a piss?"

John shudders. Dave begins to unzip his pants causing everyone to stare at him, "If you gotta go, you gotta go!"

"Oh my God!" John practically screeches.

"Hey! You're not pissing in here man!" Karkat shouts.

"Don't talk! It makes it crawl back up!"

"You whip that out and your fucking dead before the first drop hits the floor." Karkat growls.

Dave gasps mockingly. "You're sexy when you're angry."

He tuns to Sollux, "Hey homeboy, why don't you go close that door. We'll make sure John here won't be able to walk straight for days!" Karkat glares at Dave and John stiffens in his seat.

"Hey!" Kakat hisses at Dave, who ignores him.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"If I lose my temper you're totalled." Karkat growls.

"Totally?" Dave asks, completely at ease.

"Totally!"

John turns around to shout at Dave, "Why don't you just shut up? Nobody here is interested!"

"Honestly!"

"Well hey Sporto! What'd you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock?" Dave asks with a sneer.

"Look, just because you fucking live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass."

"It's a free country," Dave mumbles in mock hurt.

John turns to Karkat, "He's just trying to get a rise out of you. Ignore him."

"Sweets, you couldn't ignore me if you tried." Dave shoots John a grin.

"So, are you guys like boyfriend and boyfriend? Steady dates? Lovers?" Dave drawls out the last word a bit, much to the boy's chagrin. "Come on Sporto, level with me. Did you slip him the hot beef injection?"

"Go to hell!" John shouts his face a brilliant red.

"Enough!" Karkat screams at the same time.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real. Eridan is a douche. Karkat wears tights because he /likes/ it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty! New chapter, yay!~  
> I'm really happy about all the response this is getting. Thank you very much!  
> It might be a while before I can update again. Exams are swiftly approaching and I need to study. :3 
> 
> Disclaimer: i no own

"Fuckass," Karkat mutters, slouching down in his seat.

Shrugging, Dave walks over to the railing beside John. Hoisting himself up, he sits precariously on it.

"What do you say we close that door. We can't have any kind of party with Ampora checking in on us every damn second."

"The door'th th'pothed to thay open." Sollux says, twirling his pen on his finger.

"So?"

"So why don't you just shut up! There's four other people in here dumbass," Karkat snarls.

"God, you can count. I  _knew_  you had to be smart to be a wrestler." Dave mocks.

"Who the fuck are you to judge anyone?"

"Seriously," John mutters without looking up from his fingers, which were suddenly the most interesting thing on the planet.

"Seriously Strider, you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever no one would care. You might as well not even exist at this school." No one could tell if any emotion passed on Dave's face. If it did it would be shown in his eyes, which were conveniently covered by dark shades.

"Well, I just go join the wrestling team then."

Karkat and John look to each other before bursting into a fit of giggles. Well, John giggled. Karkat full out laughed. Dave looks at John, a small smirk on his pale lips.

"Maybe the baseball team too! And student council."

"They wouldn't take you," Kakart says after recovering from his hearty laugh.

"I'm hurt."

John snaps his head up to glare at Dave. "You know why guys like you knock everything-"

"Oh, this should be good," Dave mutters.

"It's 'cause you're afraid."

"Oh, God! You jocks are so smart, that's why I'm not to heavy in social activities!" 

Sollux gnaws on his lower lip, feeling a bit left out. "I'm in the math club..."

"You're afraid that they won't take you. You don't fit in anywhere so you have to dump it on everyone else," John continues, completely ignoring Sollux.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with you active people being complete douchebags would it?"

"You wouldn't know, you don't know us."

"I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna go join their fucking clubs."

Sollux still feels like he needs to recognized. After all, he was there too. "I'm in the phythicth club too."

"S'cuse me a second," Dave says to John, holding his hand out to silence him.

"What in God's name are you going on about?"

"Well, I thaid I'm in the math club, the Latin club and the phythicth club."

Dave nods approvingly before turning back to John. "Hey, Egbutt, do you belong in the physics club?"

"That's an academic club," John says with a sneer.

"Okay?"

"Academic clubs aren't the same as other clubs."

"But to dorks like him," Dave nods in Sollux's general direction, "They are. What do you guys do in your club?"

"We talk about pyhthicth, and properties of phythicth."

"So it's sorta social. Demented and sad, but social."

"I gueth you could call it thocial thituation. There are other guyth in my club and at the end of the year we have a dinner every year at the Hilton."

"You load up, you rave..."

"No. We get drethed up but we don't get high. And, I didn't have any thhoeth tho I had to borrow my dad'th. It wath kinda weird 'cauth my mom doethn't like me wearing other peopleth thoeth. My couthin, Gamthee, geth high and eatth weird foodth. And then he feelth like he didn't belong anywhere," Sollux mumbles before pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

"Look, you assholes keep fucking talking and Ampora's gonna come in here. I got a meet next weekend and I'm not gonna miss it because of you douchebags," Karkat hisses.

"Wouldn't that suck. Missing a whole wrestling meet!" Dave says, a moan of false agony echoing in the library.

"You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You've never competed in your whole life!"

Dave placed a hand over is heart and hissed, as if what Karkat said hurt. "I know. I feel empty inside because of it. I have such deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor."

"You wouldn't miss it. You don't have goals."

"I do though. I really do."

"Yeah?"

"I wanna be just like you! All I need is a labotamy and some tights!"

"You wear tighth?" Sollux asks, suddenly interested in the conversation again.

"No I don't fucking wear tights. I wear the required uniform."

"Tighth."

"Shut up!" Karkat yells, a blush coating his cheeks.

The teen's heads turn as when they hear Eridan move about in his office. Dave quickly hops off the rail and sits in the chair in between John and Karkat. He folds his hands on the table, keeping his poker face still intact. When Eridan doesn't come inside Dave throws his head back and laughs. He gets up and walks to the double doors separating the library and the hall. His slender fingers trial down the door frame.

"Thereth not thupothed to be any funny buthineth!" Sollux stage whispers.

Dave smirks and turns to Sollux. "Have you finished your paper young man?" Not waiting for a response he walks around the door before reaching his hand up and with a flick of his wrist, removes a screw.

"Thrider, that'th thcool property, it dothen't belong to uth. Don't meth with it."

The door slams shut before Dave runs back to his seat.

"That's fucking hilarious, come on, fix it!" Karkat shouts.

"Am I a genius?" Dave asks flippantly.

"Your an asshole!"

"What a funny guy!"

"Fix the goddamn door Strider!"

"Everyone just shut up!"

**== > Be the grouchy teacher.**

Grouchy? You're not grouchy. You're just better than everyone else. You hum to yourself as you walk back to your office. You stop, realizing after a moment that the library doors are shut. You lean against the door when you hear voices echo through it.

"I've been here before, I know what I'm doing!" That insufferable prick of teenager shouts.

"No! Get off your ass and fix the door!" That Karcrab kid or whatever growls. You note that he has a bit of a temper, which you have to admit, is kind of endearing.

"Shut up!" Heh, he must be losing his cool. You scowl before waltzing into the library. They just can't sit still can they? Sollux's head snaps up to look at you, his eyes wide like saucers. What an adorable kid.

"Goddamit!" You say as you storm in. "W-why is that door closed?"

No one answers you.

"W-why is the door closed?" You repeat. You turn and look down at John. You never liked him much. He was a trickster. On the outside he seemed nice and understanding. But on the inside, he was the biggest douche you'd ever known. He was also a good liar.

"W-why?" You ask him.

"We were just sitting here. Like we were s'posed to."

You turn and look at Dave. God, you can't stand him. "W-who closed that door?"

"I think a screw fell out of it." He mumbles trying to look innocent.

"It just closed, sir," Karkat says, looking you straight in the eye. Your own eyes glance at the girl in the back. The one with the strange hat. Before you can ask she makes a strange peeping noise before slamming her head down down on the table, her coat's hood falling over the bright blue hat. That has got to hurt.

"She doesn't talk sir," Dave mutters.

"Give me the screw-w," you order, sending him your iciest glare.

"I don't have it."

"You w-want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it outta you?"

"I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place."

"Give it to me, Strider."

"Excuse me sir, why would anyone want to steal a screw?" John asks.

"W-watch it young man." You say to him before walking over to the door. You try to hold it place by putting a chair in front of it.

"The door's way to heavy, sir," says Dave. As predicted the door slams shut, despite the chair. Your scowl deepens. You point to Karkat.

"Karkat Vantas. Get up here. Come on, front and center, let's go." The boy narrows his eyes before getting up and walking over to you.

"How come Karkat gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get, it'll be anarchy!" The both of you ignore him as you tell Karkat to move the magazine rack inside the door way.

"W-watch the magazines!" You shout when Karkat's hands slip and bends one of them. He sends a glare your way. Finally, they get it inside the door way, it blocks the door.

"That's very clever sir, but what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career," Dave says, a small smirk on his lips.

Fuck it. He's right.

"W-what are you doin'? Get this outta here for God's sake. W-what's the matter w-with you?" You yell at Karkat, and for moment it looks as if he could punch you. When he finishes you hurry him back to his seat. You say something about expecting more from him.

"You're not fooling anybody, Strider! The next screw-w that falls out is gonna be you."

You turn to leave until you hear Dave mutter something under his breath. You spin on your heel and face him again.

"W-what w-was that?"

"Eat my shorts!"

"You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister!"

"Oh Christ."

"And another!"

"Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond there, I'm gonna have to check my schedule!"

"Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled! You w-want another one? Just say the w-word! Instead of goin' to prison you'll be here! Are you through?"

"No!"

"I'm doin' society a favor!"

"So?"

"Another one, right there! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't w-watch your step. You w-want another one?"

"Yes!"

"You got it! That's another one right there pal!"

"Cut it out!" John shouts to Dave. He mouths the word 'stop'.

"You through?" You ask him for the second time.

"Not even close."

"Good, there's another one!"

"You really think I give a shit?"

"Another."

"How many is that?"

"That'th theven, including the one when we firtht came in and you asked Mr. Ampora about hith thpeeth impediment." Sollux answers.

"Now it's eight."

"Excuthe me, thir, it'th theven!"

"Shut it, Peew-wee!" You shout at Sollux.

"You're mine Strider. For tw-wo months I gotcha."

"What can I say? I'm thrilled."

"Oh, I'm sure that's exactly w-what you w-want these people to believe. You know-w somethin', Strider? You should spend a little more time tryin' to do somethin' w-with yourself and a little less time tryin' to impress people. You might be better off." You stand straighter to address everyone.

"Alright, that's it. I'm gonna be right outside those doors. The next time I hafta come in here I'm crackin' skulls!" You barely notice mouth ' I'm cracking skulls' while you say it. You turn and walk out the room. The hall is eerily quiet before a load scream shatters it.

"Fuck you!"


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave continues to be a jerk. John is childish. Karkat is well, Karkat. And Sollux is just there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, here we go! Thank you for baring with me during my finals~  
> And a very big thank you to those that commented, bookmarked, ect. I love you all!  
> I'm sorry that my "hot" writing is so childish sounding. sdfghjk
> 
> Disclaimer: I by no means on the script I used or Homestuck.

A clock ticks on, it's calming clicking echoing through the silent library.

Dave pulls off his left shoe and lights the rubber heel on fire. When a small flame flickers he lights a cigarette. He snuffs out the fire with his sleeve. John gnaws on his lower lip, deep in thought. Once Dave finishes his cigarette he runs his fingers along the table in circles, much like one would if they were using turntables. Sollux has his hands down his pants, a small smile on his lips. Nepeta twines loose string around her small finger until it turns purple. Discarding the string she begins to draw. Karkat flicks a paper football across the room and silently cheers.

Soon everyone is asleep.

 **== >Eridan. Yell at the sleeping students**.

You really don't feel up to it. Instead you ask who needs to use the bathroom. Every single teenager raises their hand. Those little shits. They weren't even sleeping.

It takes longer than necessary to return them back to the library, but when they're finally back you walk back you your office with a spring in your step.

**== >Be the onlooker.**

Karkat stretches, his muscles stiff. Relaxing he looks at the clock.  _10:22._  So much for time flying by. His head swings around when a loud rip echos across the room.

Dave stands near the back of the library ripping pages out of books and tossing them into the air.

"That's real intelligent," he mutters, anger flicking in his brown eyes.

Dave doesn't even look up. "I know. Destroying literature is wrong." Shrugging he rips out another. "It's so much fun to read. And, Molet, really gets me going!"

"Mol-yare," John corrects, a scowl on his face.

"I love hith work." Sollux pipes up.

Dave walks to the front of the room. On his way he tosses the remaining pages at Sollux. He heads straight for the magazine rack and plucks a few out. After he finishes browsing through the pictures he tosses the behind his back. Sighing he runs a hand through his blonde hair.

"Nothing to do in lockdown."

"Speak for yourself," Karkat says.

"Speak for you! I don't even know your language!"

Karkat narrows his eyes before turning to John.

"You grounded tonight?"

"I don't know. My dad said I was, but my nanna told me to ignore it."

"There's a big party at the Lalonde's. Should be pretty wild."

"Yeah?" John asks, his eyes sparkling with interest.

"Yeah, can you go?"

"I doubt it."

"How come?"

" Well 'cause if I do what my dad tells me not to do, it's because because my nanna says it's okay. There's like this whole big monster deal, it's endless and a total drag."

"Who do you like better?" Dave suddenly asks. Somehow he was sitting back on the railing. When had he gotten over there?

"W-what?"

"You like your nanna better than your old man?"

"They're both pretty strict, in their own ways of course."

"No, like, if you had to choose between them?"

"I dunno, I guess I'd go live my sister. I don't think either of them give a shit about me. It's like they use me to get back at each other."

"Ha!" The strange girl in the back shouts at John. When she realizes everyone is looking at her she ducks her head, but a wicked smirk is still visible on her baby like face.

"Shut up!" John shouts at her, his jaw clenching.

"You're just feeling sorry for yourself," Karkat says, amusement shining in his eyes.

"Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else would."

"Aw, you're breakin' my heart."

"Sporto," Dave asks, his face impassive. He hops down from the railing and walks over to Karkat.

"You get along with your parents?"

"If I said yes, I'm an idiot, right?"

"You're an idiot anyway. But if you said yes then you're a liar too!" Dave turns to walk away. Karkat shoots out his seat and pushes him on the back, hard. Dave falls on the floor, his glasses askew.

"If we weren't in fucking school right now I'd waste you," Karkat snarls. Dave fixes his shades before giving him the finger. He stands, his face close to Karkat's. Sensing trouble Sollux tries to push the two boys apart. Karkat shoves him back.

"I don't like my parenth either, I don't get along with them. Their idea of parenteral compathion ith crathy!"

"Dork," Dave says, his voice hushed.

"Yeah?"

"You're every parents wet dream."

"Well thath a problem!"

" Look, I can see you getting all upset up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?"

"Why do you have to insult everybody?" Karkat asks, his fingers clenched at his side.

"I'm just being honest, asshole! I would expect you know know the difference!"

"Well, he's gotta fucking name."

"What's your name?" Dave asks.

"Thollux."

"See?" Karkat says, a smug grin on his face.

"My condolences," Dave mutters. He walks over to John's table and places his hands on table. His long fingers splay out, drawing John's attention.

"What's your name?" Dave asks in a honey sweet voice.

"John."

"Ja-awn?"

"John, it's a common name."

"No, it's a fat boy's name!"

"Well thank you."

"You're welcome."

That was not the answer John was expecting! "I'm not fat!"

"Well not at present but I could see you really pushing maximum density! You see, I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people. There's fat people that were born to be fat, and then there's fat people that were once thin but they became fat. So when you look at them you can sorta see that thin person inside! You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna drink a few beers and then..." Dave makes strange squelching noises an imitates a fat man. It looks rater hilarious actually.

Scowling, John flips Dave off.

"Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine boy!"

"I am not that pristine!"

Dave leans further down so he's eye level with John. They're so close now their noses almost touch. Dave's breath washes over John, his making heart beat sporadically.

"Are you a virgin? I bet you are! Let's end the suspense, is it gonna be a white weddin'?

"Why don't you just shut up?" A light blush tints John's cheeks.

"Have you ever kissed someone on the mouth? Ever been felt up? Over the boxers, under the jeans, shoes off, hoping to God your dad doesn't walk in?" Dave asks, his voice husky. The smallest of smirks appears on his lips, much to John's growing discomfort.

By now, John's whole face is bright red and his hands are shaking. "Do you want me to puke?" He whispers.

"Under the boxers, no shirt, hair tousled, Calvin's in a ball past eleven on a school night?" Dave leans in closer still. So close John can see Dave's heavy lidded eyes through his shades.

"Leave him alone!" Karkat shouts, ruining the moment. Dave slowly stands, his lips pursed. "I said, leave him alone."

"You gonna make me?" Dave asks as he walks up to Karkat.

"Yeah."

"You and how many of your friends?"

"Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you and you hitting the floor. Whenever you're ready, fuckass."

Dave rushes to hit Karkat, only to fall pry to his wrestling strength.

"I don't wanna get into this with you man." Dave says, his voice slightly airy.

"Why not?" Karkat asks

"'Cause I'd kill you. I'd kill you and you're fucking parents would sue me and it be a huge mess and I don't care enough about you to bother."

"Fuckass," Karkat mumbles as he walks away.

Scowling slightly Dave reaches into his pocket and pulls out a switchblade. He pops it open and everyone looks at him in worry. He runs his thumb along the edge before stabbing the table with it. The blade stands straight up.

"Let's end this right now. You don't talk to him, you don't look at him. Don't even think about him! You understand me?" Karkat snarls.

"I'm trying to help him!" Dave shouts, his fists clenched in anger.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A 'lil bit of love for everyone~  
> and a new character! DUN DUN DUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry this took kinda long to get out. I've been very lazy this summer.  
> I had the hardest time figuring out who I wanted as Carl. I had to switch characters until I found one I liked.  
> Cookie for you if you know who is mentioned in this chapter!  
> Enjoy~

**== >Jack. Go clean**

You walk into the library, hoping to get some cleaning done so you can go home early.

"Uh, Jack?" You turn to see that Strider kid addressing you.

"What?"

"How does one become a janitor?"

"You wanna be a janitor?" You ask, your eyes narrowed. You don't like this kid. He's full of trouble.

"No I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Karkat here, is very interested in perusing a career in the custodial arts." He says waving in Karkat's direction.

"Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Peon? Maybe so, but following a broom around shitheads like you for the past eight years I've learned a thing or two. I look through your letters, I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this school my friends. By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast!"

Everyone groans except Dave. He smirks at everyone's expense.

"Fuck." Karkat mumbles into the table.

You nod, your eyes landing on each of the students before leaving the library. You'll just come back later to clean.

**== > Be the onlooker**

Dave begins to whistle  _How Far We've Come._ Soon all the teenagers join in, they're heads nodding in time with the tune.

Upon hearing noise in the library Eridan storms into the room to find Dave whistling  _Beethoven's Fifth_.

His face slips into a scowl, as per usual when he sees Dave.

"Alright girls, thirty minutes for lunch-"

"Here?" Karkat interrupts.

"Here."

"I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in."

"I don't really care what you think!" Eridan shouts, his fists clenched at his sides.

"Uh, Eri? 'Scuse me, Eridan, will soda be available to us?" Dave asks.

"We're extremely thirsty sir," Karkat says, his eyes alight with interest.

"I have a very low tolerance for dehydration," John mumbles.

"I've seen him dehydrate sir, it's pretty gross." Karkat's eyes are huge, hoping it would convince Eridan.

Dave stands, an easy smile on his face, "Relax, I'll get it."

"Ah ah ah, grab some wood there bub. You really think I would let you roam these halls alone?" Eridan snaps before pointing to Karkat and Nepeta. "You tw-wo! Hey, w-wake her up!"

Nepeta slowly lifts her head. "Come on missy, on your feet. This isn't a rest home!"

As the two teens make their way to the door Eridan shouts, "There's a soda machine in the teacher's lounge!"

-:-

The hallways are quiet and a light flickers down by the girl's restroom. A heavy awkwardness hang between Karkat and Nepeta. Although, Nepeta takes no notice of it. She swings her arms at her sides and seemes to bounce as she walks. Karkat's eyes flick over to her. What was her deal? One moment she was upset and brooding and the next she's as happy as a kid in a toy store.

"What's your poison?" Karkat asks. She doesn't answer.

"What's your drink?" He asks again, hoping to get a response. Still nothing.

"Okay, forget I ever said anything..."

She looks at him out of the corner of her eye. He looks awkward, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his jaw clenched. His obnoxiously bright hair falls over his eyes. At this angle, she can see tiny freckles that run across his nose and cheeks. She smiles. Maybe he's not what he seems.

"Vodka," She finally answers.

His head snaps up. "Vodka? When do you drink vodka?"

"Whenever."

"A lot?"

"Tons," She shoots him a grin.

"Is that why you're here today?"

"Why are you here?" She retorts, dodging the question. The two teens stop walking; Karkat glaring at the girl while leaning against the wall.

"I'm at this fucking school because my coach and my dad don't want me to blow my ride. I get treated differently because Coach thinks I'm a winner. So does my old man. I'm not a winner because I want to be one; I'm a winner because I have strength and speed. A lot like a racing horse. That's how fucking involved I am in my own life."

"That's very interesting. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?"

Karkat's jaw clenches, "Forget it!" He growls.

-:-

John, Dave, and Sollux are lounging around in the library, waiting for their cokes. John looks through books while Dave and Sollux talk about guy-ish things. Well, that's how Sollux see's it. Dave is really just browsing through an encyclopedia mumbling out  _mhms_ and  _yeahs_  when he hears Sollux talking.

"Hey, John? You wanna see a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty." Dave asks suddenly, cutting off whatever Sollux was about to say.

"No thanks."

"How do you think he rides a bike?"

John scowls and turns away.

"Oh John, would you ever think of befriending a guy like this?"

"Leave me alone," John mumbles.

"I mean if he had a great personality and had an awesome car? Although, you might have to ride in the back because his nuts would be riding shotgun."

Ignoring his teasing, John turns to the two boys. "You know what I wish I was doing?"

"Watch what you say, Sollux here is a cherry."

"A cherry?" Sollux asks, confused.

"I wish I was on a plane to New York," John says wistfully.

"I'm not a cherry," Sollux mumbles.

Dave turns to Sollux, a small scowl on his lips. "Have you ever gotten laid?"

"Yeah, loadth of timeth."

"Name one!"

"There wath thith girl in Canada. The'th training to be a mortician. You wouldn't know her."

Dave gives him a  _are-you-fucking-kidding-me_  look. "Ever been laid around here?"

Sollux shushes him and motions to John with his thumb.

"Oh, you and John did it! Didn't know you swung that way, man!"

John spins around fists clenched at his sides. "What are you talking about?"

Dave shoots John a grin before turning back to Sollux.

"Ith nothing!" Sollux shouts at John before glaring at Dave.

"Let'th jutht drop it! We'll talk about it later!"

"No! Drop what, what are you talking about?"

"Well, Sollux is trying to tell me that along with the numerous girls in the Canadian area, that you and him are currently, well, riding the hobby horse."

John shots a glare at Sollux, his face as red as a tomato. "You jerk!"

"No, I'm not! Dave said I wath a cherry and I wathn't, that'th it, that'th all that wath thaid!"

"Then what were you motioning to John for?"

"I wathn't. You're lying."

"Oh, you weren't motioning to John?"

"You know he'th lying right?" Sollux asks John, his eyes wide.

"Were you or were you not motioning to John?"

"Well, yeah. It wath only becauthe I didn't want him to know I'd only had thex once."

Dave's face goes slack and John laughs.

"Why didn't you want be to know you'd only had sex once?"

"Because it'th my own perthonal buthineth."

"It doesn't sound like you're doing any  _business_ " Dave mumbles.

"I think it's okay to have limited amounts of sex. In fact, I think it shouldn't be done until marriage."

Dave's mouth falls into a small 'o' shape. "You do?"

John smiles kindly and nods.


End file.
